Remember little Olive? She’s back and in the shop!
Another irony? a children’s book I wrote for the child I don’t yet have? But the truth is I also wrote this for me. A children’s book for grown ups too. It’s a message about being yourself, something we all talk about but do we really know how to do it?
I think being yourself is more than just a decision, it’s a lifelong discovery. One that includes embracing and being at peace with all parts of yourself and all parts of your life experience. It’s about letting go of what other’s think about who you are, where you’ve been and where you’re going.
If you tuned into my big secret reveal two weeks ago on Periscope, then you know that I’ve been struggling with fertility for the better part of a decade. I’ve decided to let the story go, because I realized that holding it close to was becoming harder than sharing it publicly.
I’ve spent years knowing I wanted to share this story but always planned to do so on the other side of a healthy pregnancy and baby. I’m not waiting any longer.
I have a collection of pieces of I’ve written. And last year as I stumbled upon a new medical fertility discovery, my hope grew and I started working on a book with the help of a literary agent. And then when I experienced yet another loss, I put it aside. With all the recent filming and editing I’ve been doing with our series, I also thought about shooting a documentary? Unsure if I could rally again in both telling the story or pursuing another fertility treatment - then this Periscope App came along and something about it made everything make sense. As far as I know no one has shared the process of the IVF fertility treatment live via video streaming?
When we go through challenges in life, if and only if it feels right to us, I believe it’s invaluable to share our stories – not in a crafted, edited, sensational and dramatic way but in a calm, dignified real way {yes, I’m talking to you News Media and Reality TV} Not only do I think that it offers healing to us, but it helps soothe and reassure so many who are going through something similar. Just knowing that we are not alone, especially regarding a diagnosis and subject that can be considered taboo? that no one wants to talk about. I have always loved documentaries and this is one of the reasons why I’ve also embarked on creating our series. Hearing others stories has helped me over and over again in my life. It’s one of the main reasons why I believed I could be an artist in business.
As I explore the topic of sharing my fertility journey publicly, I’m thinking about all of the reasons why we choose to keep it private. Shame, feeling like a failure, judgment from ourselves from family, friends, strangers and some religions, general discomfort in talking about our bodies, sex and health, life and loss. I know and understand all of these reasons and yet it’s time for this to change. If you think you’re not being affected by infertility, you probably are because someone you know is going through it and they are not talking about. 1 in 8 couples is experiencing some form of infertility. And the more I open up about my story, the more I learn about how many women and men have struggled with heartache and loss on their way to motherhood and fatherhood.
With the intent of helping even one person feel soothed, empowered and reassured in their journey, I’ve decided to transform my struggle into another kind of creative expression. As much as I never wanted to be another “poster child” for infertility, as much as I’ve wanted to run away and hide and stop sharing anything anywhere especially on live video – what am I thinking? – I know this exactly why I need to keep going.
One of the reasons I didn’t pursue medical help earlier was because of my own judgments and fear simply because I was overwhelmed at the thought of it, simply because I really did not understand what was involved.
I am starting my 3rd round of IVF in upstate New York this week and sharing the process via Live Stream on Periscope. This is more than just sharing about fertility, it’s about encouraging all of us to continue becoming more comfortable with being ourselves, it’s about being an advocate, especially for our health and our choices. It’s about knowing how to support those going through a challenge.
People have asked how they can help. Tune in live, and share with everyone because we really don’t know who might affected and can use the support and education right now. I’m planning on posting some of the videos in one location for longer viewing; for now incase you missed the first one you can watch it here.
As followers of my work, keep collecting it and giving it! especially now {and also the holidays are coming ;)} You are supporting my business; you are supporting me. I’ll also be making art and sharing it, as painting is {always} one of the ways I stay grounded and happy.
Thank you for all the extra care during this time.
