{I’ve been away} for the past week speaking at/ attending Alt, and visiting with Lizzy. The fact that I left you with a bear blowing a kiss as my last post tells you where I’m at. 

The first of this year has been filled with me unravelling and quietly closing out much of what I plugged into last year that no longer has any room in my plans going forward.

I think I touched upon the burst of clarity that came with the start of the new year ~ well, attending Alt and all the events that made up this past week really sealed the deal for me. Funny how it always works, right? Getting away from it all to see clearly what is before you.

Alt was exciting, insightful and as non-stop as before {by choice as I stayed up every night until 2 am - yes I’m paying for it now}. This time I did also take a few hours to be creative. The image above is an excerpt from a watercolor I painted in a design camp class lead by Courtney.

So what sealed the deal for me exactly? Well let’s just say that one of my favorite panels at Alt this time was the one on life/work balance. And one of my favorite parts of Gretchen Rubin’s keynote speech was when she told everyone that 'the first step to finding more happiness is to get enough sleep'.  And then there was Ben, who I spoke with on our panel last year, who gave one of the most real, heartfelt keynote speeches I’ve heard in a long time, maybe ever? And then there was rooming with EZ who I also spoke with on our panel last year, one of the most gentle, genuine, kind people I’ve met. And then there was connecting with and meeting for the first time more people who live and create from the heart. And finally rounding out the week spending quality time being happy with Lizzy {while we made big plans, always big plans ;)} Oh and everyone should start their day listening to this beautiful song.

All of these moments lead me to what I had already been intuiting all along. Don’t you love when that happens? When everything becomes crystal clear in a moment {the very moment following all of those months or even years that lead up to it} Clarity does not happen overnight. Well it can, but for me it’s usually following a lot of back and forth on the subject before something clicks into place that makes me commit to my new decision in a way that I haven’t before.

That’s where I stand right now. I’m sure it’s no accident that it’s still relatively early in a new calendar year and that my time away, and my time at Alt is all working together to inspire this new insight. Truth be told I get new insight almost weekly ~ something I love.

But, this, what I’m feeling today. This feels different. My post title speaks directly to how happy I am to be home literally and metaphorically about coming home. 

I have spent much of my life chasing what’s next, projecting how I want my life to be on others who I think are already there. And I think in many ways that has worked. Aspiring to be somewhere, someone you are not is a normal part of being human and it can be the very thing that pulls you forward to where you do want to be. The mistake that can happen in constantly choosing this way to be inspired is that you may find yourself thinking that the grass is always greener somewhere else. And when you finally get to that place you wanted to be, sometimes it’s not so green and sometimes you miss it all together because you are already out ahead on to the next greener pasture. 

This is exhausting.  Moving forward, desiring more, getting inspired to expand is one of the best parts of being alive but using that drive to miss who you already are and what you already have can leave you with a small hole that never gets filled.  And you know what I’m going to say now, right? That little hole can only be filled by you, appreciating today just as it is. We’ve all heard it before. It’s part of our enlightened, conscious vernacular and these days it rolls off our tongues as if we are living it all the time with the greatest of ease. Not so much. But the fact that we are talking about it means we are headed there and that is exciting.

We do not need to be dissatisfied with where we are to want and reach for more. In fact what if we loved where we are and also reached for and looked forward to more?

The truth is you don’t really know what it means 'to be present' 'to truly appreciate where you are' 'to be home' until you glimpse it yourself. Over coffee time this morning, Sean talked about how we 'can’t fully understand those concepts until we experience them for ourselves'. And he’s right.  I want to add that at some point you just have to commit to finding it, because in all honesty I think this is what we are all chasing anyway - the happiness and contentment that comes from filling that space all on our own.

As is often the case I have so much more I want to share with you on this, and I will.  Because another realization I had at Alt,  is just how much I love my blog and plan to keep it as a part of my creative expression {maybe forever} :)

So I will be back with more thoughts as I’ve promised for far too long. Just as soon I get caught up on my sleep {thank you Gretchen Rubin} I’ve been tired for far too long. I’ve been trying to do too much for far too long. I’ve been fretting about where I am and where I’m not for far too long.  Don’t get me wrong, there’s been a lot of fun and awesomeness along the way,  just lately there’s been a bit more whining than is necessary. And it’s time ~ time to do things differently.

One of the messages I heard repeatedly at Alt and made a point to share in my talk as well, {a quick thank you! to all of you who came to my round table discussion on licensing your designs} is that we are going to make mistakes ~ meaning this is ALL a learning experience. When did we forget that? I don’t know what part of us {or me} thought that somehow we had to know how to do everything right all the time, or that somehow we will know exactly how to find our creative voice and exactly how to run a business around it once we find it? Oh and not to mention that we - all of us with a presence in this online world, have it all figured out already and know how to operate within it perfectly? whaaat?? We are the pioneers. There was no one before us because remember this world barely existed 10 years ago? We certainly have more resources and support to get answers, and yet as we get those answers, techonology will inevitably change again, leaving us with more questions.  It’s an exciting time.

For now I have an answer, one that I hope stays with me forever, and that is how happy I am to be home.