My Home 9 x 12 in.

This is a painting that I did some time last year. It’s titled "my home" because I was thinking about what my dream home would be like if I painted it. I never knew if this painting was finished, but today I’ve decided that it is, because my "dream home" is still evolving.

We’ve been renting the same house in Laurel Canyon for the last 3 years. This is actually a new record for me, because over the past 15 years I’ve, completely by accident really, moved every 2 years ~ and believe me when the 2 year mark hit while living here, I felt restless...but I chose for the first time in my life to move through the restlessness and be at peace with where I was, not just in my home but in all areas of my life.

A person who likes adventure and even change from time to time, I’ve gotten used to chasing the “next step”. But, in the last year I’ve been experimenting with letting the next step come to me, just to see if that approach might feel easier. Well in a matter of 3 days, the next step came and it came fast. And the jury is still out on whether I like the approach better…

We’re moving! Just like that, a number of circumstances all hit each other like a fast moving train and it seems obvious that now is the time to take that next step. And to be honest there’s a fair amount of discomfort in feeling like something outside of you is forcing you to take a next step ~ that is when you resist it, of course. And I have taken the weekend to resist it ~ which surprises me really because usually I’m much better about going with the flow.

I think it’s just that I feel like a move at this particular time for many reasons, is not convenient ~ but staying in a home that is under intense construction with no parking, is also not particularly convenient either. I’m all about a life with ease and at the moment, it’s not feeling particularly easy.

Having been a home owner just about my entire adult life, it’s always been hard for me to rent; but obviously with the current state of the housing market, renting seems like a wise choice.
You’ll have to forgive me for just a second, as I’m very particular about not using this blog as place to vent but I just HAVE to say that people of Los Angeles (of course this does not apply to everyone), seem to think that A) It’s still ok to charge exorbitant prices for their homes even though the market is clearly trying to correct itself ~ and ~ B) The people of Los Angeles also seem to think that they can charge obscene rental prices for living in absolute GARBAGE, in the WORST location possible. I’m not exaggerating, even though I wish I was.

Ok, so we saw 3 places yesterday, that were AWFUL. I haven’t lost hope, but I can’t believe it either. When did this happen? When did this become OK? I’m beginning to wonder why the majority of the people of this city are so willing to settle for less.

You know, that this city is a city of dreamers ~ I mean this is Hollywood ~ everybody’s got a dream! And that makes it exciting and full of possibility, but if you stay here and you give up on your dream, this can get pretty depressing. Now I finally know why people cling to their below standard living environments, because they’ve given up on their dreams, especially their financial ones, and they don’t want to give up their "rent controlled" rent prices.

So, in one of the richest cities in the world, you also have amazingly talented people, just scraping by hoping that their big break will come. Personally, I haven’t given up on my dreams (in fact I’m finally living them!) and I especially haven’t given up on my financial dreams that include the ability to buy a wonderful home again. But at the moment I’m not yet sure if this city is where my dream continues...

A peaceful, happy home for me is one of the MOST important things in my life, especially because I’m a creative who works from home, and especially because I live in such a hectic city. And yesterday, I decided that I’m no longer content going "backwards". I have literally "squeezed" myself into so many places that just weren’t quite right and I just don’t want to do it anymore. I would love to find a place that feels right in every way, from a price that feels fair, to having laundry inside, to a dishwasher, to proper parking, to an outdoor yard for Lulu to sun herself, to nice neighbors, to a peaceful neighborhood, to lots of light, to a nice space for a girl to paint....you know what I mean, I’m sure :)

So, this is where Sean and I have decided to "make the best of things". You realize, the longer you live, that change, convenient or not, is inevitable, and accompanying the change is usually a fair amount of fear and discomfort (mixed with excitement) - so how do you want to handle it.? Being in the "grey zone" where you don’t know what’s next is a time to step up with grouchiness or grace. And for now, on this Monday morning, after writing this cathartic blog post, we’ve decided to step up with grace.

(so, please bare with me as I maneuver through this, presently unknown, next phase of my life, and if you have any suggestions on wonderful places to live, let me know!)